Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
