Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
