i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
