My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
