Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
