By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
