I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She bit a glass in half.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
