I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
