I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
