Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
