he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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