She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
