I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
