I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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