I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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