Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
