just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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