All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
