good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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