Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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