Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
