Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
