I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
