Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
40s are totally the cure
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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