Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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