I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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