The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
