I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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