Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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