In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
