So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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