we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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