I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
