I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
