Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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