last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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