We're like a lot better than the average bears
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Boobs are out for the taking
I AM VODKA MAN
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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