woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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