Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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