I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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