Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
