someone threw a dead crab at me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
