It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
