Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
