As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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