You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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