I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
