I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
