I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
