Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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