you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just found puke in my bra..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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